Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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