I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
