The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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