Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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