he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
