His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
