I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
