I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
