Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
