Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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