You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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