We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
