my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
