No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
