I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
