I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Of course I have a pirate flag
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
