with your own penis?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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