I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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