I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
