I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
