someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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