It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
