Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
