i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
