I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
do herpes really smell.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
