The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
