This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
