There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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