In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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