soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
