Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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