I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
