I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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