There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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