My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
