Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
