he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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