I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
