You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
