On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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