So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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