i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
