you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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