May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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