Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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