About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
