yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
