she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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