Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
