Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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