addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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