I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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