I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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