drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
