During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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