you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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