I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
