So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
