Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
