no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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