pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
