yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
