Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
