ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
